Portal M4R10 – If Mario was in…Portal
babababababababadun! Peach’s Castle
April 15 2016
11.25 PM beep beep! Mario: MAMMA MIA! Say, I’m-a hungry. lets go hohoho oh ye dundudududuuuuun Just what I needed! ooh yeah! hmmmmmmmmmm what a tasty treat yahooooo!! nom nom nom (DING) OOF! GLaDOS: Hello, and, again… GLaDOS: Welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-aided Enrichment Center.
Mario: WAA mamma mia oh brother (WC 2: mario WAKE!) GLaDOS: We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. Mario: Hey! Oh No! [GRUNTS] Mario: Oh No! [GRUNTS] Oof! GLados: Please do not attempt to remove your name tag. Mario: ALL RIGHT! Mario (Jim Carrey): THAT’S A SPICY MEATABALL! Fuck this shit! I’m out! AAA! I cant move anywhere! Mario: [GRUNTS] Super Mario JUMP! *boing!* AAHAHAHOW Oof! *RADIO BROKE* Toad Sing FROZEN: LET IT GO!! LET IT GO!! Toad: LET IT GO!! LET IT GO!!
Mario: AAAAAAAAAA GLaDOS: Are you even listening to me? SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! GLaDoS: Excellent! Please proceed into the chamber-lock after completing each test.
Mario: WHOA! Please proceed into the chamber-lock after completing each test.
Mario: HORY SHITTO! I’m Trippin Ballz, Man! WOOOOW OOH YEAAAAAAAAH! GLaDOS: Stop that right now! FINE Stage 1: Beggining
Knowns: Nothing OHH MAMMA MIA *boing!* Please place the Weighted Storage Cube on the Aperture Science Super Button. No Problem, Here I Go! LLEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOYYYYYY JEEEEEENKKKKK- Oof! GLaDOS: You’re doing very well!>sarcasm Mario: HEY! SHUT UP! I Got You! Oh yeah! Mario (Homer Simpson): ♪I am so Smart!♪ ♪I am so Smart!♪ ♪I am so Smart!♪ *portal closing* AAAAA! Oh Shit! GLaDOS: You are kidding me… For the sake of this test, you win! Mario: Woohoo! Yahoo! I’m the winner! WOOOOOWWWW. GLaDOS: You are now in possession of the Handheld Portal Device. Yaaaaay!!!! GLaDOS: Most importantly, under no
circumstances should you– Mario: Let me take a selfie. WAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! *Techinal Diffulctes Please Standby* OOHOHOH OOHOHOH YEAAAAHH YA- OWWW! THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED! WHEEWHEEHEHEHWEHEEHEHWEHEHEHE My PINGAS feels funny against this screen. GLaDOS: Oh, you are kidding me…. Subject ID: M4R10 Weight: 94324323595 kg
Blood type: A+ Gender: Male
DOB: 6.3.1981 Analysis: Hopeless. Just hopeless. It would be pointless to keep testing and testing… Someone is going to get badly hurt. Mario: OH BOY! GLaDOS: What are you doing? Stop It! Please continue into the next test chamber so I can murder you! Mario: WAA! GLaDOS: When testing is over, there will be cake. Mario: HOLY SH*T! WOOHOO! WOOHO! Stage 4: Pull a brick
Knowns: Spawing cube, Moving cube YEAAA! *le pipe sounds* *portal* OH YEAH! GLaDOS: The Enrichment Center apologizes for this broken test chamber. GLaDOS: The Enrichment Center apologizes for this broken test chamber.
Mario: WHAT! [GRUNTS] HAHAHAHAHA! *Wrong Again* Mario: [GRUNTS] *bang* *WRONG SOUND AGAIN* GLaDOS: Please note that we have added a
Mario: Come on, already! consequence for failure. WOAA! PLEASE-A DON’T-A HURT-A ME! wowowo *win sound* YEAH! BULLSHIT! Stage 6: Dodge a matrix ball
Knowns: Anti-hitting, firebouncing *charging* *PEW.* Whoa! *BOOM* wowowo hohoho! *charging* *PEW.* *nom* Hey! That was pretty good- *BOOM* Oof! GLaDOS: Now you’re thinking with stupidity. GREAT! Stage 9: Fast movers
Knowns: Spawning cube, moving cube Whoa! Hmmmmmmm…. Mario: It’s-a Mario Time! baaap I’m the best! *bang!* ARGH! YOLOOOOOOOOO Yahoo! That didn’t hurt. Stage 11: Don’t suicide
Knowns: Anti-hitting, firebouncing, zapping, dying GLaDOS: The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that this next test is impossible. GLaDOS: If we were you, we would quit now. Dying at this point is a perfectly reasonable response. Mario: okie dokie! GLaDOS: What Are You Doing?! Mario: I’m Trying To Commit Suicide *bang* You are kidding me… Stage 14: Meet a core
Knowns: Moving cube, anti-hitting, firebouncing, parkour, quickdashing, dying Today, you’ll be a testing with a partner. Mario: Yeah Hahaha! Toad Core: Oh, hey Mario! Good Morning, by the way. How are you doing? I’m good. HEY! I LIKE SPAGHETTIIIIIIII!!!!!!!! SUCK MY D! HAHAHAHA! AAAAHHH! *Explosion* Stage 16: Watch out for turret
Knowns: Spawning cube, moving cube, dodging I’m not kidding now. I will kill you. Whaaa!?? *charge* GLaDOS: I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time. OH HELL NO! ♪MERICA♪ ♪FUCK YEAH!♪ ♪COMIN’ AGAIN TO SAVE THE MOTHERFUCKING DAY, YEAH!♪ ♪MERICA♪ ♪FUCK YEAH!♪ Woohoo! GLaDOS: I hate you so much… Stage 17: Becoming friend
Knowns: Spawning cube, moving cube, anti-hitting, firebouncing The Vital Apparatus Vent will deliver a Weighted Companion Cube. *fart* What’s Up? I must be a snowflake, because I’ve fallen for you. Haha *boing* *boing!* Thank You! Turrets: OOWWW Wahoooo!!!! Oh yes! That’s-a so nice! I LOVE YOU! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee UGH UGH (WC 2: Oh my god Mario stop it) Yahoo! Wahoo! Yeah! UGH UGH OH YEAH GLaDOS: Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much… Do you want to marry it? WELL, I WON’T LET YOU! woaaaa GLaDOS: How does that feel? NOOOO GOD NO GOD PLEASE NOO GLaDOS: Hahahaha!!!! Mario: NO! *flames* NOOOOO *sadly* Come Back! (Celiene Dion, My Heart Will Go On) GLaDOS: I hate you. It can’t be for no reason. You must deserve it. Mario (JONTRON) : FUCK YOU!!!!! Mario (JONTRON) : I AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNN’T HAVIN’ DAT SHIT! RAAAAAAAAA GLaDOS: What are you doing? Stop it! Toad Core: I LOVE YOU MARIOOOOOO!!!! Mario: No One Cares! Mario: MAMMA MIA! Black Turret: Hahaha Gotcha right where I want ya. *Ammo Over* Ah crap. Wait wait, wait! WAIWHAWHAHWHAWIIIITT AAAAAA *BANANANANGNGGGG* Game Over! GLaDOS: NO! No No No No No No, No No No. Hoo hoo hoo! GLaDOS: Hello? Mario: Ooh, very scary… Mario: Ooh, very scary…
GLaDOS: Where are you? Mario: Ooh, very scary… GLaDOS: You haven’t escaped, you know. I know you’re there. *extreme typing* What are you doing? Teletubbies! GLaDOS: NO! NO! NO! NOOOOAOOOAOAOAOO *boom* HAHA! *boing!* hmm? Steve: Hi, Guys! Hi, Guys! Can I join you guys?
Mario: WOAAAA Hi, Guys! Can I join you guys? Mario: MAMMAFUCKER Huh? Huh? Mario: MAMMAFUCKER Mario: Hi, Steve… Steve: Okie Dokie ♪Come with me♪ ♪And you’ll be♪ ♪In a world of pure imagination♪ Sike! TROOLOOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Mario: WAAAAAAAAAAA! OOHOHOH Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? Mario: HEY STINKY! It’s-a me, BIATCH! GLaDOS: Time out for a second. Now, I have a SURPRISE for you. Dear Mario, I have baked a cake for you. Woaaa OH MY GOD! OWMMHMHMMHMMHMHMHMHMHMHMMMHMHM GLaDOS: Good-bye! WOAAAA *bang* *BOIIIING* OHOHOHOHOOH AYYYAYAYAYAYAYAY GLaDOS: Just ignore that thing and stand still. beep beep beep! ♪OH! ONE MORE TIME!♪ ♪I’m back with a new rhyme!♪ ♪I’m back with a new rhyme!♪
Turret: WAAAAAOOOOOOO! ♪HEY! HERE WE GO AGAIN!♪
Turret: WAAAAAOOOOOOO! Turret: WAAA- *bang* GLaDOS: GRRGGRG I HATE YOU!!! Mario: Whoop WhoopWhoopWhoopWhoopWhoopWhoopWhoopWhoopWhoopWhoop I’M SUPERMAN! I BELIIIEVE I CAN FLLYYYYYY I gotcha! GLaDOS: Get your hands off me! Mario: DIEEE, BIIATCH! GLaDOS: NO! NO! NO! I-I-i-i-i-I-i-I-i-i-i-i-I-I-I a-a-a-a-aa-a-a-aaaa *broke* I’M GOING TO RAPE YOU! *cough cough* mamma mia ogogogohhoghog GLaDOS: AYAAAA!!!HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Mario: (low voice) HEY FUCKER! Toad Core: HELLO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Mario: Oohohoho! Get Over HERE! GLaDOS: NO! NO! NO! Mario: Hahahahahhahaaaaa! *bang* Warning: Core corruption at 100% GLaDOS (Toad Core): SPAGHETTIIIIII!!!! *bang* *power down* ♪OH! ONE MORE TIME!♪ ♪I’m back with a new rhyme!♪ ♪HEY! HERE WE GO AGAIN♪ ♪Ha! Turn it up, my friend!♪ Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent. *alarm* whaahahaha WHAAAAAAAAA Mario (JONTRON) : Oh, I-I’m coming! I–dij-I’m done here! Mario (JONTRON) : I fulfilled my purpose!
Luigi: Marioooo? Mario (JONTRON) : I ain’t need to see no more shit down here! *boing* MAMMA MIA! Whoa! Toads? Luigis? YAAAY HAHAHAAAA Peach: Mario? I have baked a cake for you. *dramatic sting* Mario: NO NO NOOOO!!!! Peach: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!