LGR – Vinyl Goddess From Mars – DOS PC Game Review

LGR – Vinyl Goddess From Mars – DOS PC Game Review

[fizz, sip] Aahhh! Vinyl Goddess From Mars. An interesting DOS game from 1995. I got my version of this on a compilation disk called Gameworx. Came with a few other crappy games,
but this one is completely awesome. Being a compilation, the box doesn’t
say too much about the game, except that it is indeed awesome, supposedly. So, we’ll just not even look at that, really, and get right to the game. Of course, the first thing you notice is the lovely model portraying Vinyl, who is the protagonist of the game. You can choose from three different episodes: Forests of Old, Caverns of Chaos, and The Return. I’ll just go to the first one. Essentially, if you’ve played Jill of the Jungle, or even Xargon, by Epic MegaGames, then you’ll know exactly what you’re getting into here. It’s a pretty straightforward,
platforming, side-scroller game with interesting characters, simple but effective weapons, and random little items to get and collect for points. There is no need to get more lives because there are not any. You can die as many times as you need. Going through the levels,
you’ll run across checkpoints, and of course keys, which you
will use to unlock certain doors, before getting to the end of the level. So, yeah, if you’ve played pretty
much any platforming game, you know exactly what to expect. Collecting these red orb-type things gives you some sort of points stat at the end,
which does not really do anything except give you more points. Back at the map screen, you have
the same thing from Jill of the Jungle, Jill Saves the Prince and Xargon,
where you collect keys, go through certain gates to get to the next levels. So let’s go ahead and check out
some of the other things in here. This is the order screen which came in the
shareware version, but it is also in the full version. For $29.95, you would get the
game, which is three episodes, a full color poster, and a survival manual. Not too much else to see here. Except for this. This is the REAL Vinyl Goddess, as it says, who is apparently portrayed by the model Debra Dare. My box of this game didn’t come with this. Oh, well. Probably one of the most interesting
things about this is the story here. It’s completely absurd. “In the year 200 billion,” “a small ship races across the galaxy
taking the Vinyl Goddess From Mars” “to the esteemed Intergalactic B-Movie Convention.” “In mid-transit, a meteor
shower strikes without warning” “and the ship is engulfed in a sea of rocks and debris.” “Badly damaged by the cosmic storm,
the ship careens off course.” “Desperately, the Vinyl Goddess twists
knobs and pulls levers to regain control.” “The best that she can hope for is to eject and
let the ship crash land on the strange planet below.” “It’s up to you to help the lovely
goddess find and repair her ship” “and collect all of her belongings” “before it’s too late to reach the convention.” “Good luck SPACE CADETS!” Of course, this is very appropriate. This entire game is extremely tongue in cheek. It’s portrayed as sort of an adult game, but it’s, it’s so not. I can’t help but laugh at every little thing in here. And it’s full of all sorts of double
entendres and things like that. Such as at the end when you have
to find different parts of your ship, like the “thrust coil recompensator” and the “hot plasma injector,” where you have to help your
heroine out of this “sticky situation.” Yeah, I mean, it’s just– [chuckles] It’s just completely ridiculous. You know, I wouldn’t quite
consider this a family-friendly game. It is just entirely silly. The weapons themselves are quite awesome, except for these strange
explosive vials, or whatever they are. You can’t aim them at all. And you can’t shoot while you’re ducking,
so it doesn’t make any difference. You just end up tossing things OVER your enemies. The enemies are rather stupid. You have these strange goldfish
things that come out of the ground. And large Venus flytraps with mouths of teeth that shoot balls at you. Hmm, I’ve never seen that in a platform game before. Once you finally make it to the last level, it really is a bit of a tease. You don’t really get anything at all. Basically, you just get some quick story saying that, oh yeah,
she found all of the parts to her ship. And then she got home. That’s it. So don’t expect anything great from the story. What you CAN expect is a very, very solidly-made action-platform game. I did not intend to play this game all the way through in just about one sitting. But I did. It looks awesome, it controls wonderfully. The music is freakin’ cool.
I love the music on here. This is one of the most solid, side-scrolling platform games
that I have played on a PC, or anywhere, really. So if you could find it in any way, do yourself a favor and play Vinyl Goddess From Mars. It’s cheesy, it’s fun, it’s completely awesome.

100 thoughts on “LGR – Vinyl Goddess From Mars – DOS PC Game Review

  1. As mature as most modern games from that and many other companies.  Not that a Duke Nukem worshiper would know.

  2. This was a great game. Another of my wifes favourites. What clever feature I liked is when you run and stop the character slides.

  3. Am I the only one who can't get over the fact that vinyl has dark brown, curly hair on the title screen, but red hair in game which is straight in the portrait you see down right?

  4. I loved this game! This and Jill of the Jungle were the only platform games I was any good at, ha. Vinyl was my fave though, because of the graphics, that sweet music, and of course I was jealous of those badass boots.

  5. back in the age of ancient computer dinosaur games it was hard to make games that did much more than bleep and flash ass at you on the cover art

    lol i kid but awesome review man

  6. I actually thought Flying Tigers was a pretty cool little shareware shmup back then. It's no Tyrian or Raptor, sure; but it hit the spot for me at least.

  7. I had that very game pack. This one was certainly the best of the lot. Flying tigers was OK, but it was just another run of the mill 1942 clone, the other ones were utter shit.

  8. I remember the demo back from when I was a kid, oh dear… this game was very cool, great memories. When I first played Populous: The Beginning, the demo, I had some sort like a similar feeling to a déja vù, so to speak, but more like "hey, is this the other game but in 3D?". No it wasn't, but it was helluvanother game!

    Thanks for the guy who made this review, it was awesome.

  9. Loved this game as a kid. Had to show the actual gameplay to mum once because she saw the title screen and thought I was watching porn. Too bad I only ever had the shareware version, so I never played chapters 2 and 3.

  10. Is it me or does the theme-tune of the game sound scarily similar to Mortal Kombats theme, which would come out just a year later?

  11. I used to play this game as a young girl, I LOVED it. But we only ever had the shareware version I think… 🙁 I found the soundtrack on a website and downloaded it, really great music, particularly the map screen, that's my fave. Great review!

  12. She's the Vinyl Goddess from Mars! She loves the "rich, warm sound" of vinyl records and hates all this MP3 overcompressed shit.

  13. Wait, the Intergalactic B-Movie Convention? Did they reference MST3K before it even existed?!? 😛

  14. I've played similar game back in the 90's. It was called Inner Worlds. You've had female protagonist Nikita and fought monsters in fantasy setting. Very underrated platformer, well worth playing.

  15. Had this in the 90s. It's solid, with a serving of cheese on top. I like the colorful graphics here, and definitely looks more polished than Epic's Jill games. Can't believe Epic rejected this (I'm sure the porn star stuff wasn't in the Jill of the Jungle story). I was like what, 10 at the time I played this. I'm sure my parents approved of it.

  16. I can totally relate to the year 200 billion, but you have to wonder why not the year 100 billion or the year 300 billion? But then it occurred to me, 300 billion, that's just ridiculous, and the year 100 billion isn't too far off so 200 billion makes it all relevant. Thanks!

  17. Clicked because of the weird title and odd title screen. This reeeealllly reminds me of an updated version of Jill of the Jungle, and that is awesome. 😀

  18. Oh my god.
    This is actually one of the very first games I've ever played as a kid (don't judge). I was randomly looking through your old game review playlist and I recognized the game as soon as I saw the thumbnail. I'd tried looking for it on abandonware sites several times before, but I didn't remember the title so I never found it. I figured it was probably garbage anyway on account of the gross objectification and I was just too young to realize it at the time, but having played a few levels of it just now, it's a genuinely good platformer. It's basically Commander Keen without the one-hit kill bullshit. I'm having a blast replaying this game over twenty years later.
    Thank you for reacquainting me with my childhood! :p

  19. As a non-native English speaker, back then when I could not understand a single English word I was considering that the Vinyl is an Amazon in a barbarian-fantasy world justl like Jill of the jungle (which seemed appealing to me). Boy, was I surpised when I found out that she is just some kind of cheap model able to travel in a space to reach just some convention. And this beautiful world is just taking place on some other planet? And the purpose of her journey is just to find parts to her chrashed ship to reach the convention. For real? Come on! The story is a total crap.

  20. Funny how my older brother let me play this game when I was little, giving how suggestive the hurt noise is :p Little me loved this game tho!

  21. i dont understando why fans didnt make a remake of this game.but some great guy make this level editor.at least is something.here is. http://www.classicdosgames.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=1512

  22. I could never understand why Epic passed on this one. It looked good, played good and sounded good and captured the feel of Jill very well. It's not like they ended up doing anything better with the series.

  23. I bought the demo on a floppy from the dollar store as a kid, and enjoyed it. I always felt $30 was too much for the mail in. To this day, I'd rather pay $10 for downloadable games.

  24. This game gave me hope that PC games could be console quality. At the time, I was a Super Nintendo fan, and I really had a hard time matching Mario and Zelda on the PC.

  25. For the most part, I think it's supposed to be read more like "Vinyl: Goddess of Mars". Though the exposition bits run counter to that assumption (calling her 'Vinyl Goddess' for short), yet the logo shown right at the end separates 'Vinyl' from 'Goddess of Mars'. So yeah, I'm thinking the different people involved with the title, and the one writing the narration bits weren't talking to each other about that.

  26. I remember playing this! For a knockoff game this is pretty high quality! This is pretty much a jill of the jungle on xargon's engine based on its looks, but its actually a good game, damn!

  27. I really love how the quality of your videos increased LOTS over time – not that this would have been bad, but still nice.

  28. Even her hurt sound is sexy. Would never happen today. For better or worse? As a guy, I kinda find it campy fun of an era that will never come back any time soon. As a girl, I might find myself offended? Man, I dunno anymore.

  29. Does anybody know of a game from 1995 or 1996 where you play as a sperm, it had some animations or video where explained that you had a life before and somehow you reeincarnated as an sperm

  30. mn, i remember this game, when i was young, id play this and raptor call of the shadows demo all day long, plus jazz jackrabbit

  31. I totally forgot about this game! My mom saw the opening screen when I was a kid and thought I was looking at porn lol.

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