LGR – Tongue of the Fatman – DOS PC Game Review

LGR – Tongue of the Fatman – DOS PC Game Review


[MIDI music plays] [typing] Oh, what is this? Seriously what…the crap…is… I mean, I know it says Tongue of the Fatman by Activision from 1989, but…really?! The Fatman? And his tongue? Who in their right mind would want to play with that? And who actually though that this box art with its eyebrowed evil nose and purple lips beneath little beady eye things inside nostrils would even sell a single copy? Because whoever they are,
I must pronounce them a GENIUS! [echoing] Because this entire package is absolutely amazing. I mean, hey, its complete
bizarreness has gotten me to buy it, so they were doing something right. This is the original DOS PC version of Fatman here, though there were also other
versions made for the Commodore 64 and Sega Genesis, with varying degrees of success. Along with differences to the gameplay, these versions also saw name changes, with the C64 game going by Mondu’s Fight Palace and the Genesis version going by Slaughter Sport. In fact, even the Japanese
version went by the name Fatman, which really says something when Japan finds your full title too ridiculous. Inside the gloriously hideous box, you get a gloriously average manual, averagely showing the glorious features of the game. as well as copious amounts of silly
alien humor and character descriptions which double as the game’s copy protection. So yeah, you’ll need to look up and
enter the stats in order to play the game. It also comes with this trading card showing the game’s nasty-looking namesake. And thank goodness, too, because
I don’t know how I could go on living without this in my life. The game itself comes on 5¼-inch
and 3½-inch double-density floppy disks, though you should really only
bother with the 5¼-inch version. Oddly enough, to cut down costs, Activision had the digitized sound effects and some of the stage backgrounds removed to fit the game on a single 3½-inch disk. So unless you install from the 5¼-inch floppies, you’re missing out on… well, not much…really, to be honest. But you’re still technically missing out,
and you don’t want to do that, right? Tongue of the Fatman starts with… ugh, aww… the nipples of the Fatman. Seriously, does he have to fondle
his man-boobs in front of you with that nasty grin on his face? I already feel dirty playing this and I
haven’t even gotten into the game yet. After this…awkwardly arousing aereola action, you’re greeted with three fighters and one of the few bits of digitized speech in the game. [echoing male voice]
Greetings! Mondu welcomes you to the fight palace! – So, the Fatman’s name is, uh, Mondu the Fat, and this is apparently his illegal fight palace. At the beginning, you’re able
to choose from three fighters, each of a different race with different fighting styles, strengths and weaknesses. Choose whichever fighter tickles your nipples, and you’re shown the Fatman himself once again, along with a selection of his harem of freaks, just to remind you that, yes,
you brought this upon yourself and you’re still playing for some reason. Then some slimeball calls you a slimeball while some bizarrely upbeat and cheery music plays, which means it’s time for the pre-fight preparations. This is one of the most unique aspects of the game, where you’re able to bet on the outcome of the fight and take a look at your opponent bio if you want, then choose how long you
think it’ll take for you to beat said opponent into submission. You can bet it all or bet conservatively, and at the beginning, it’s probably
a good idea to do the latter, if only to save some cash for weapons and perhaps a revival if you lose. Yes, you can also buy weapons
and power-ups before each match, which is the largest reason to make smart bets and earn some more nipple dollars,
or whatever they’re called here. You’ve got some items to increase attack power, shield you, trip up your opponents, and even give you temporary invisibility. And yes, both fighters can go invisible at the same time. And yes, this completely breaks the game due to the fact that no one can
see anything that’s going on. Ha! Of course, as you’re about to see, that’s
the least of Tongue of the Fatman’s troubles. So, here’s the deal: it’s a one-on-one fighter in the vein
of Karateka, Street Fighter, Budokan, and other mid-to-late-’80s brawlers
before Street Fighter II came along and showed everyone else how it’s done. So it does things a little differently, like starting you out on the right
side of the screen instead of the left, popping up random, ugly alien heads in
front of the action and obscuring your view, and using four different meters to
show each fighter’s current condition instead of just one or two. The first is the EKG, which looks different
for each fighter, but is effectively useless since you don’t need to see your
heart rate to know you’re dead. The corpse on the floor kind of makes that obvious. The green line shows the
fighter’s level of offensiveness. If you ask me, ALL the fighters in
Tongue of the Fatman are pretty offensive, but no, it just shows how the fight is currently going. So if you’re beating the crap out of your opponent, your green bar is longer. The blue line shows your health, so when that runs out, you’re dead. And the red line shows your attack effectiveness, which is quite intriguing. The more you perform individual attacks, the less effective they become, which encourages you to
change up your attacks frequently. Of course, actually performing these attacks is about as manageable as performing
brain surgery with a cheese grater. In other words, the controls suck. Majorly. And trust me, I’m not just
being harsh for harshness’ sake, I really did give this a chance. Controlling your fighter really and truly sucks in Fatman, no matter how much I get used to them. It’s one of those where it’s made to
play on a joystick with only one button, so each direction does a different action. And even more actions can also be triggered by simultaneously holding down the action button. Item use and management is also
mixed into this mess of a control scheme, all using the same directions and action button. For instance, if you want to jump
backwards away from your opponent, you have to stand still, turn to face your
opponent by holding down the action button and pressing diagonally in the right direction, then holding down the action
button and pull straight back. A high kick is standing still, then
pulling back and upward diagonally, or if the action button already pressed,
then you just push directly up. There are something like 18 moves per character, plus the items and power-ups, so this drawn out control method
is incredibly counterintuitive. And this was developed on the PC, not the C64 or something else
that used a one-button joystick, so I have no idea why they didn’t just give the
option to map these moves across the keyboard. Though it is a tad easier to
play with a two-button joystick, since the second button controls inventory items, but it doesn’t really help any of the rest of the moves. You eventually kind of get used the funky controls, although I still find myself fighting with myself more often than I’m fighting with my opponent. Not that fighting opponents is much better due to the insanely cheap AI and bizarre hit detection. Be prepared to be knocked down,
thrown, and jumped on endlessly, resulting in a ton of cheap deaths. Not to mention the AI’s liberal usage of
several special moves and item power-ups, sometimes instantaneously at the start of the match. And then the hit detection sometimes just craps out and your kicks and punches are left doing nothing while your opponent throws you to
the ground for the hundredth time. And if you die, you’ll be sent two opponents back. Or if you’re out of money, it’s back to
square one with the first opponent and all progression lost. You can at least start as different
characters once you’ve beaten them, though, but it’s still a freakin’ pain when
you get pretty far up the ladder, only to be killed off by a cheap fighter that spams power-ups, knockdowns
and stomping on your face. If you have a friend you’d like
to subject to the clunky controls, there is a two-player mode available. But if I’m going to go to the trouble
of playing with another person, the least I can do is provide a fun game. So, yeah, I really have a bit of a hard time saying that Tongue of the Fatman is worth playing. Yes, it’s fun when you somewhat
get a grip of the clunky controls, but the cheap opponents and
lackluster hit detection ruins that for me. Yes, the game has a bunch of cool features like betting, earning money and weapons, and little extras like the green
chick at the end of a match holding up a sign saying how awesome you are. But the gameplay itself more often than not just feels broken due to the
struggle it is to even turn around, or kick without getting pummeled with jump attacks, spammed slimeballs and Zan Zan needles. Yeah, I know that illegal alien bloodsport
is probably *supposed* to be a bit unfair, but that doesn’t make for a fun game, if you ask me. It’s certainly a game that gets your attention with its twisted characters, dark humor and enjoyable sense of progression. And for a 1989 PC fighting game,
it’s actually not that bad. And you can tell the designers
of the game had fun creating it, but for me it’s just not a fun game to actually play. The only reasons I have that one
should seek out Tongue of the Fatman is for the nostalgia, if you grew up playing it, or if you’re into playing and
collecting bizarre DOS games and just want to say you’ve experienced it. I fall into the latter category because while I’m happy to have
such an oddity in my collection, it’s simply not something that I
can make myself play for very long before getting a headache. [MIDI music plays]

100 thoughts on “LGR – Tongue of the Fatman – DOS PC Game Review

  1. Mondu and his fight palace are basically a more human Jabba the Hutt and his alien servants. The green alien here is basically a transposition of Salacious Crumb.

  2. They should remake this as these characters are hilarious and it's incredibly odd and funny. Of course they would have to make it playable which this one sadly appears not to be!!

  3. So I have this on Genesis. It is terrible. I'd say the PC version looks better, and that's not saying much.

  4. The reason for the odd renaming on the Sega Genesis is due to how Activision went bankrupt before the game was released. The Sega Genesis port was awaiting final approval from Sega before it happened and after the mess, the game's IP was sold off to Japan's Sanritsu, who released it as "Fatman" for the Mega Drive, while sub-licensing the game to Razorsoft who named it 'Slaughter Sport".
    http://segaretro.org/Slaughter_Sport

  5. I remember playing this over a cousin's house on his sega genesis when I was a kid. Wasn't going to play it at first but the title interested me. I couldn't get past the first guy because of the horrible controls, so after a few tries I just quit and played Desert Strike instead. The creepy image of Mondu stuck with me, though, and I honestly think the premise of an intergalactic blood sport game is appealing.

  6. Oh my god the Japanese title of the game is Fatman. Fatman like the bomb dropped on Nagasaki. How was Japan okay with that.

  7. The guy looks like if the elbow girl from The Amazing World of Gumball was a goth and squeezing a giant turd out.

  8. With that box art and that intro, was not expecting a crappy fighting game.
    I thought it was gonna be some weird adventure game.

  9. I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art I like the box art

  10. Just ran into this game on the Internet archive. If only it had decent controls, it could have been a fun game.

  11. 2:18 someone, somewhere, fapped to this. This is someone's kink. Think about that. Take that to bed with you. Die with that in your mind.

  12. The fact that the JAPANESE version was just called FUCKING FATMAN should be a bigger headscratcher than you’re making it out to be.

  13. I had this game when it came out. I loved it! I thought it was awesome fun and played hours daily until I won it and then played some more. A modern version of it would be lots of fun. The ability to buy power ups and weapons beforehand made it very interesting and fun to play. The different combinations of weapons you can use with the combos made for a lot of different possibilities.

  14. I bought this as a kid. Got ripped off by a merchant at a games market in the 90s – originally I'd bought Xwing vs Tie Fighter and specifically asked if it ran on DOS since I did not have a Win95 PC, to which he said yes.

    When I checked the box later, and it was obvious that it would not, I didn't get my money back. He just said that I could choose another game on the table for the same value…which ended up being this game.

  15. Oh jesus, I forgot about this game. Tongue of the Fatman was one of the games I had as a kid. Must have been the PC version, because I remember it very much as Tongue of the Fatman.

  16. I so wanted this game as a kid after seeing it in a magazine but just couldn't find it in 1990 Germany. I know I probably would have been disappointed but now I still kind of want to give it a go to put all that to rest.

  17. That game was hard. I got to the Fatman maybe 3 or 4 times but I could never beat him. Even when I had gotten cheats to give me more money for weapons, it made no difference. The opponents would usually just get the jump on me, or they could pull off moves effortlessly back to back, while I just got beat up until I died.

  18. I've heard of this game before, from another YouTuber who reviewed the Genesis version. It's interesting actually, before your review I didn't know this was originally a computer game, instead of a Genesis title… Also, from the other review, the Genesis version appeared way more broken, and with less features.

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