DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING! | Please, Don’t Touch Anything VR (HTC Vive Virtual Reality)

*WAPOOSH* Top of the mornin’ to ya laddies! My name is JackSepticEye and welcome to- Do you guys remember the game I played called Please Don’t Touch Anything? Where you had a red button in the middle of the desk and you had to not push that But you had to figure out different solutions to different scenarios on how to complete it? We’ll they’ve made that in VR! So I thought I’d try it out. I’m probably still gonna be useless at it but I’m gonna try it out and see what it’s like But first of all, I’m gonna have to turn my back on ya I’m sorry. For some reason, the game started like this so I’m gonna have to Please Not Touch Anything this way! Let’s Go The trigger grabs a highlighted object Distant objects can be selected by aiming at them with your hands Okay. Start a teleport by clicking down on the touch pad… uh… Oookay. This is all fairly self-explanatory. Let’s Fricking Do This! Oh God, Hi! OOHH this is cool! “Hey” OH Jesus Christ- Fuckin’- Hahaha “I’m gonna take a bathroom break. Just stay here for a minute.” Okay, y-you got it, uh… “What? You-” Yo- “ask what that panel’s for? Oh yeah, don’t worry about that panel. Just stay here. I’ll be right back” Yooou got it. I’m not tryin’ to grab things! “Don’t touch anything” Yooou got it mister! Fuckin’ hell, I wasn’t trying to like teleport anything towards me Whoouah! Do I have a bin? Whup…. Cool beans! Yeah… Oh this is so weird! Now I can actually see the entire place and where I was workin’ before. Okay, press the button!…. There we go! Disobedience! Haaaa, fuck yooouuu! Wh- That’s not the fuck you finger…. Right. It’s a quarter past six. It’s way past work hours, why am I still here? What does that mean? Is that a formula for how stupid I am? I’m onto you game… Wait… I wanna teleport a little… uh… let’s go here. Can I have some water? It’s a long day! I don’t think I can actually do anything with anything… Come on! Let’s me- uhwhoa God… Is there music actually coming out of this? Fuck! Nope! It doesn’t give a shit. Right. Okay, here we go! Uhm, I know that there’s buttons that you can press every where… There we go… uh… Up… I know this one…. Okay, that’s not the thing that I remember happening. I can’t remember the fuckin’ sequence… There’s gonna be loads of this that I can’t remember. Six Six Six. Yeah that’s grand. There’s are all the endings, by the way, that I remember… uh… Gonna click around on everything! No! Don’t reset it! Um…. Invalid Numerals, yeah. So it’s been a while since I’ve actually played it. It’s been a while since I’ve figured out the solutions to all this shit. So you’re gonna have to forgive me, for a second. Ohh! Here we go! Oh yeah, there was morse code, wasn’t there? I can’t remember the morse code… Stamper! Can I have some ink? I wanna stamp the shit out of everything! I wanna stamp everything and claim it as mine! Okay, what’s the point of all this shit if I can’t actually interact with it? Uhm, let’s just flick this… *sirens going off* DESTROY THE WORLD!… Is that what we’re doing? I can’t actually remember what that switch does. THREE, TWO, ONE! YEAH! *laughter* The whole place fucking exploded! *laughter* Ahh, Oops! My bad! Sorry! Um… Let’s just go ahead and reset that there – *reading*
“I love mushrooms” Yes I fucking do! Oh! I did it! One ending in the bag!
Right, so – There was a thing where you push this…
*pushes button* *beep* I thought there was more – okay. Where the fuck is the next one?
*siren going off* NO! No! No-no-no-no! Go back! GO BAAACK! No – for fuck’s sake! This is not calibrated very well! *beep* Hit this – *beep* Hit that. *beep* Up there… What is – *beep* yeah THERE we go.
*beep* That’s the one I’m fucking looking for. Is it over here somewhere? I’m gonna flick that fucking switch again and I don’t want to.
Where’s the button? *beep* There it is! *beep* There… *beep* And – YEAH! That’s the fucking thing I needed. … Or was it? I can’t remember if this is actually useful to me. Aw, shit; yeah. I can’t fucking do these puzzles! I’m terrible at these! I really should – have looked up my video before play this ’cause I forget how to do everything! There we go. Look I’m doing it! I’m figuring it out! I fucking did it! Ahahahaha!! That was all by accident! *laughing* Nice! *coughing* Ah- is … ah is that all smoke? What did I do? *coughing* It actually makes me feel like I need to cough with all the dust in my face like that. Can I mess with YOU?
*messes with it* *red light goes on* SORRY! I didn’t mean to touch anything!
Fuck! Woah! That’s neato! I split the world in half! Imma just hang that up there as my trophy! Yay! I’m a fucking genius, man! That was all by accident. Um. Right. So, uh… Boop! *click* Um… Can’t remember anything else that I can do. What is this typing out? *reading* “Correct” Dude, this is fucking useless to me! *reading* “Down-left, up-left, up-left, down-left.” *repeating*
Down-left, up-left, up-left, down-left. I can’t – that doesn’t help me with any of these! Oh, God! I’m very – what am I close to? Oh! I’m close to my fucking table, Jesus! Ohh! This book has something in it!
*reading* “Eight, two, six, seven.” … That doesn’t help me. Uhhh – I need the code for the One, Two, Three buttons! Fuck. I can’t remember what they actually are. *reading* “You are here. Evacuation Plan”. Okay. I’ll keep that in mind for future use. But thank you, for now. Wasn’t there an ending where you just press the button a bunch of times? *press press press press press…* Oh! Oh yeah, I forgot about you! Gimme the screwdriver. *unscrew noise* There we go! … Can you work?!
*unscrew noise* There we go – it’s a bit finicky! Mother fucker hit my wardrobe…
Uh, there we go! Okay. Yes, work… Work! Do you wanna fucking work for me at all? Okay, I’ll put you back down for a second and do this – *unscrew noise*
There we go!
*unscrew noise* There we go, you just gotta jimmy-jam!
Right – The colors! That’s something I remember. Uh, I can’t remember what the colors are, though. Wait – Are you a signifier? You’re kinda just going at any fucking rate at all. That’s not helpful! Red, yellow, yellow, blue?? *buttons clicking* *bing bong…* Was – was that an incorrect or a correct? I’m just going red – yellow – yellow – blue. *looking at bottom pattern*
Red, red, blue… yellow? Or is that a green – that’s a green!
Red, red, blue, green! Okay. *pressing buttons*
Red, red, blue, green!
*depressed beeping* *reading* “Invalid color sequence.”
Ooh! Oh wait! This – there’s numbers! *reading* “Eight, two, six, seven!” I can do that, but… Shit. Okay, floating books! … I don’t have the actual numbers! *click five times* *drawer slides open* There we go – the hammer! I remember what to do with you. *boom* Fucking – AH! MY EYES! Jay-sus Christ! I’m blind! Right, okay. I did that one! That’s done.
Boop! *clicks button* *computer noises – kind of like laser guns shooting in Star Trek* Woah – what’s happening-
OOHHH MY GOD!! *deep voiced, harmonious male chorus in background* Oh my God, it moves!! This whole place turns, and it’s fucking me up! Oh my God, I’m getting so dizzy – gimme the key! Gimme the key – nope, nope, nope, nope. I’m out. I’m out. I’m out. I’m out! Oh. My. God. It’s making me – *grunts* Oh God! *chuckles* The fucking – the thing spinning around made me all dizzy! Christ! Okay. Right. So that was one of them. So, keep pushing the button. *click, click, click, click…*
*machine sounds* *static* There’s – yeah! There’s an ending for just pushing the button. I remember that much. *electronic background music* Was that it? Yeah! I got the one for turning off the power! *chuckles* Okay. *click, click, click…*
Wait until that hammer comes out again… *click click click … click… click… … click…* *drawer opens*
There we go. Okay. Lemme – Lemme do this! I need to unscrew some shit! Except this thing doesn’t work properly! So I got the thing to show up, right? Red – yellow – yellow – blue! *click x 4*
*beep – boop* Ef wa lah, mon ami!
(Je ne parle pas français.) That is what we like to see! That’s – that’s – victory dance, bitch! Um, wait! *knock knock, knock-knock-knock*
“Oh!” Yes! Okay, wait. Hup! T-turn, turn the hammer around! *knocking of hammer* *Yes!* *reading* “City Boom!”? Where do you go? That’s not “City Boom!”. Okay, go there – *empty dial – sound* *buttons beeping along*
Eight, six, two, seven. *silence* Hello, operator?
Oh wait wait wait! I should call that! Wait! Hang up –
*empty dial sound* *reading sign*
“Three – one – one… No! Fuck off! *beep x 3* Uh, “three – nine – nine…” *beep x 3* Uh, “two – three – six – four!” *beep x 4*
*phone dialing* Hello?? *high-pitched old computer booting noise*
Oh – God! What the fuck – *noise continues* –
What am I calling? Did I call the fucking 1990’s internet? *hangs up* Go away! I think I put in the number wrong… *tries again* *high pitched sound* Nope! That was the right number! It’s just a pile of shit. Oh wait! *90’s computer sounds*
Ohh!! *hangs up* Shut up! I forgot that there’s instructions! *reading* “Three, one, two, two, one, three.” Okay! Wait, how did I get the – the thing to show up before? *beep – beep…*
… Two, two, one, three! *machine sounds* Fuck yeah! And it was… down-left, up-left, up-left, down-left. *machine sounds*
BOOM BABY! YEAH! That’s how we do – FUCKING ALIENS! *people screaming* *building being hit my lasers* Oh… Sorry you all! My bad! Hahahahaha! Y’all got abducted, mother fuckers! Yes! Okay. *click click click…* Okay. Just keep going… Right. Okie Dokie.
*reading* “Grab your screw driver. Grab your hammer.” *reading*
“Red – red – blue – red… blue – blue – red.” That’s Morse Code though, isn’t it? Oh yeah! Uh, there was a thing – I had to make a star! Are you a – ?
Poke. Poke it! Okay. There’s a little face on this. Fuck off! *unscrewing noises*
There’s a lot of stuff in this game! And it’s all coming back.
*singing* “All coming back to me no-ow…” Let’s try this – no! Fuck off! *clicking buttons* I think this is wrong.
*low-pitch beeping* Oh, yeah. I can only put in four. What am I doing? Um, right. Hmm… HMMMM… Okay, wait. Three, one, two, two, one, three. And now I can pull the lever – *static noise* Oh, shit. Oh wait! Wa-What was the number? *reading* “Eight, two, six, seven.” *beeping*
Eight. Two. Six. Seven. FUCK YES! Okay. And I have to make a star. Boop! Uhh… Boop… I can’t remember if these – YES!
OH, GOD! OH, JESUS! I don’t like it! OH GOD, I’M IN A PENTAGRAM! My bad! Um… *chuckling* Dude! Can – can you – can you come back? I don’t like this one! This one is a bad one! Um… There we go. There we go; we got our Satanic ritual done. Fucking hell, that was creepy. *chuckles* ‘Kay well that does it for this episode of; “Please Don’t Touch Anything – VR”. I’m not gonna go ahead and do the entire game again. Because I did the whole game normally just with mouse and keyboard on my computer before. I just wanted to try out, to see if it was the same thing. Or if they changed anything, or what it was actually like to be in that office. It’s really cool!
Especially when you get the endings and it actually has an effect on the environment around you. ‘Cause when you’re playing it in 2-D, whenever, like, the aliens abducted you kinda got a little screen shake or something; or the explosion went off and you got a little dust on the screen, or something like that. But to actually be in the 3-D space, and to feel the whole place shake – And especially the Illuminati one! That was cool, because the – the spiral, that, like, sunburst effect that was like spiraling in the background. So it kind makes you feel like, in 3-D you’re going like this and it makes you feel all wobbly. *There is background noise of another game ending going on here: the ending where you ACTUALLY don’t touch anything* So, to actually have the Illuminati thing mess with your head and make you feel off balance; That’s really cool. That’s something that you can’t do regularly in the game. So I really like that. And, well sometimes it’s a bit weird. Because, like, dialing the phone; you have a big giant finger, so it’s harder to hit the buttons. And then sometimes it levitates a ball of paper into your hand. Kind of annoying. And some of the stuff you saw with the screwdriver and the hammer didn’t really work. But those are things that can be polished up and fixed. But I really like it. That’s a really cool adaption of what was a really cool game already. Because I like that game. It made me feel super dumb, because I couldn’t get half the endings on my own the first time. I had to go look up some stuff, and then there was little parts here and there – Especially the last endings if you go back and watch the second video that I did on it. Some of the ending I had to get, like, help with. Because I couldn’t figure them out. They were so obscure, that it was impossible to get them on my own. But, really like the idea of the game. And I look forward to see what the developers have to do next time. But I’m really glad they made it in VR. That’s awesome.
Anyway – Thank you guys so much for watching this episode. If you liked it… PUNCH that like button in the face, LIKE A BOSS! And, high fives all around! WAPOOSH! WAPOOSH! But thank you guys, and I will see all you dudes in the next video! *outro music* *southern American accent*
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