Delicious – Emily’s Christmas Carol: Santa Eats Children – PART 1 – Game Grumps
Arin: I wrap stuff. Dan: I deliver that stuff! Arin+Dan: Naughty or Nice it’s the Jingle Grumps! Arin: Hey!
Dan: Hey, welcome. Dan: Arin and I have been giggling at this Dan: This menu for Dan: A couple minutes now. Dan: Umm. Arin: ‘I wanna eat it!’ Dan: Welcome to “Delicious Emily’s Christmas Carol”, do you think Emily herself is what’s delicious? Arin: Like ‘Delicious Emily’?
Dan: And that- Dan: That’s why the mom is so excited, because she can’t wait to eat her child. Arin: She’s not of age yet, but I can tell she’s getting very delicious. Dan: Yeah. Dan: I can’t wait for my child to ripen! Arin: Select your name. Dan: Oh!
Arin: Uhh. Arin: ‘Eustus’ Dan: That’s not how you spell that! Arin: Sure it is. Dan: Okay. Arin: How do you spell Eustace? Dan: I believe with a ‘C-E’ (yep) Dan: At the end.
Arin: ohh. Arin+Dan: It’s her! Dan: Emily O’Malley! Arin: Oh she’s Irish! Dan: And Paige! Dan: With Patick, Edward, Dan: And Francois Grace Sharon Angela Mary George and Holly! Arin: I’ll remember all those names! Dan: Special Guest; Santa Clouse! Arin: Oh ho ho ho! You better have my check ready! Dan: Oh ho ho ho! Dan: Emily looks delicious! Arin: Get out of here! Arin: Get out of here children! Dan: Silent fear, oh… Arin: Uhh I don’t know if it will still here appear. Dan: Oh this does look familiar actually, I think I saw Ross play this one time. Arin: Really? Arin: “IT’S… SNOWING!”
Dan: Yeah. Dan: Well, isn’t everything just fabulous? Arin: Oh? Arin: What’s this over here? Dan: Emily, go hop into the pot! Arin: “Well hi there, little angel!” Arin: Don’t you look del-
Dan: You’re looking creamy and- Dan: -Filling. Arin: ‘He want’s to eat you? Well you’re not ready.’ Dan: Yeah. Dan: You’ve got nothing to fear, Emily, until your seventh birthday! Arin: “It’s simply the most wonderful time of the year!” Dan: Everybody knows Santa only eats children seven and up! Arin: ‘Well that was magical! Goosebumps every time.” Arin: We’re out of here! Arin: No tip?
Dan: Fuck this shit. Dan: “Ah ha ha!” Arin: EEEEEEE Dan: Yeah- “FRANCOIS!” Dan: He doesn’t even throw it, he just mashes it into her face. Arin: “Francois… Don’t you dare… FRANCOIS!” Arin: Oh he’s gonna get her. Dan: Yeah. Arin: Oh boy. Dan: Well then! Dan: A Puerto Rican guy’s making love to your mom, Dan: I’ll just show you how to make a snowman! Arin: “And how was your first day at preschool today, young lady?” Arin: Daddy, daddy! Guess what? Arin: “I’m gonna-” Arin: Pre, dude!
Dan: Pre! Dan: I knew it! Dan: Aw, it serves you right, fucko! Arin: Oh, Francois. Arin: I’m allergic to snow! Arin: Get my Epi-Pen! Arin: Oh, Francois! Dan: Water, my only weakness! Arin: “And how are YOU doing, young lady?” Dan:”Well… I couldn’t have hoped Paige’s first day of preschool could go any better!” Dan: Unless it lasted two hours longer so we could fuck! Arin+Dan: *Slurping sounds* Dan: Aw fuck yeah. Arin: “Do you want me to explain how this works again?” Dan: First you take the cock in your hand-
Arin: Uhh… again? Arin: “Well, let’s see… Arin: “It all starts when people come in…” Dan: Okay… Dan: Hi I’m people! Arin: First you prepare their order…” Arin: I got the order. Arin: “…then you hand it over.” Arin: Take it. Arin: “Have a great day!” Arin: “Err, Emily? Aren’t you forgetting something? Don’t they have to pay?” Arin: Fuck you! Dan: Oops! Arin: I didn’t know what to do! Dan: Ha ha ha ha ha, if you ever Dan: Ever give our goods away for free again, Dan: I will bury you in this snow! Arin: I’m gonna do that, and i’m gonna do that, and deliver it to their tablay! Dan: Okay, sweet! Arin: They’re eating. Arin: “Now, this time I WILL put the money in the register.” Dan: Ha ha, you’re goddamn right you will. Arin: Don’t put yourself down because this fucking ass- Satan: -Misogynist prick male gays motherfucker doesn’t respect you! Dan: I will— I will bury you. Arin: “Just remember: the happier the customers are, the bigger their tip will be!” Dan: And the bigger MY tip will be if you know what I’m saying. Arin: “Now there’s only one thing left to do: clean the table!” Arin: Maybe you should handle that! Arin: No, you do everything! Dan: Yeah. Dan: I would but I’m very busy at this ‘Standing near the snowman’ situation. Arin: “Hey! it’s Carl, our housemouse!” Dan: That’s right! Arin: “Hey little fellow, are you coming with me?” Dan: Into the pot? Arin: he’s eating and contaminating all our food! Arin: That makes it better! Dan: Catch it quickly for a rat feces bonus! Arin: “So, you still know what you’re doing!” Arin: And if I work fast, I can serve more than one person at a time.” Dan: Hey! Arin: “Customers usually give me something extra for that.” Arin: I’ll give you something extra for that. 😉 Dan+Arin: “I’m totally ready!” (The world’s longest cutscene ends) Arin: How I- alright. Arin: “Keep every customer happy (or better]” Dan: Mmm, okay. Dan: Sounds good.
Arin: What do you want, Arin: What do you want, what do you want, what do you want, what do you want, hurry up and decide! Dan: What do you want.
Arin: Hurry up! Arin: What do you want?! Arin: What do you want! Ah fucking dammit why didn’t you just say so in the first place you stupid, fucking Arin: Garbage person! Arin: Garbage person! Dan: And what do you want, tiny garbage person? Arin: I want the Arin: The cookies and milk!
Dan: Man, thank God everyone here wants the same piece of Dan: Frosted bread and pretzels! Arin: That does look really good Dan: Cause that is all you serve.
Arin: I’m not gonna lie. Arin: We want this! Arin: Fuck you. Dan: You gotta make the cake though! Arin: Yeah. Dan: Oh God. Arin: Plus the presents! Dan: Oh God. Arin: And deliver that fucker to the table, Arin: Bitch. Dan: Full order. Arin: Alright.
Dan: Just like Susan. Arin: But who is Susan? Arin: What is her relationship to these folk? Dan: Susan’s our house proud town mouse! Arin: House proud town mouse? Say that four times fast. Dan: House proud town mouse how pro po- fuck. Arin: Yeah it’s hard right? Dan: Uh-oh! Dan: Hurry an interracial couple is coming next! Dan: I can feel it. Arin: Give me all your mons. Arin: Stip me- Tip me lots of mons. Arin: And then that, and then that, and then that Dan: There you go!
Arin: And deliver the food! Arin: I’m gonna be the fat ass eating the whole cake, she’ll just have a pretzel. Dan: Two cakes for me please! Arin: They’re all mine! Arin: Oh no, we’re closed! Arin: Oh I gotta clean the table first.
Dan: You get the hell out of here, young woman. Arin: Is that- Oh yeah! Arin: I thought you were talking to this person. Dan: I was. Arin: I was like Arin: “Neither woman, nor young.” Dan: Oh is that a guy? (No) Dan: Yeah it probably is. (It’s not) Dan: I was mistaking the ear muffs for hair. Arin: Clean the table! Arin: And collect the money. Dan: Uhh don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here. Dan: Don’t let the door-
Arin: Yes! Arin: I got three stars! Dan: Don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split you! Arin: Yay! Arin: I took that picture on the beach! Arin: My boyfriend told me I looked real cute. Arin: “Paige, sweetheart, why don;t you tell daddy the exciting news?” Arin: I’m gonna be eaten! Arin: “Yes, and it’s a very special one too. It’s their 50th anniversary!” Dan: ‘Wow, you don’t look a day over seven’, said Santa, mouth watering. Arin: “And it’s based on a true story, right sweetheart?” Arin: Yeah! The story of the little girl that was eaten! Arin: “I can’t wait! Our own little musical star!” Arin: I love talented meat. Arin: “Presents, present, presents! I LOVE Christmas!” Dan: Oh my God! Dan: Aw yes, yes! Dan: I love it when our daughter hugs strangers. Arin: “Emily, your Uncle Antonio and Brigid say ‘Merry Christmas’ from the Bahamas.” Dan: Ba ha ha hamas. Arin: “I am SO jealous – I would LOVE to get away for the holidays.” Dan: Just imagine how funny they would’ve found that if she had said a joke! Arin: “Not having to take care of everything and everyone… Arin: “For once.” Arin: eyeballs, fucking, this douche. Arin: “What do you mean? No Christmas in Snuggford?” Dan: Oh God. Arin: “Mom, I don’t mean every year… Just once would be nice…” Arin: You fucking bitch. Dan: What a bitch. Arin: Let’s put our Dan: Mom is Satan
Arin: Daughter to sleep. Dan: Real?
‘Go to sleep.’ Arin: Man I don’t know why we gave our daughter the entire living room for her bedroom. Dan: Yeah this is an enormous bedroom. Arin: Alright time to sleep in the closet. Dan: God I gotta get into the fucking one pretzel selling business, this house is fucking huge! Arin: “Can I choose what I want to be in the musical?” Arin: As long as it’s edible. Dan: Yeah. Dan: “Maybe, sweetheart.” Arin: *More slurping sounds* Aw fuck! Arin: “Stop it! Stop it!” Dan: Ha ha, you can’t stop this cock! Arin: *Even more slurping sounds* Dan: Sweetheart, I love you, but I assure you, regardless of what you say or do, Dan: This dick is going in your mother tonight. Arin: Okayy. Arin: Should I do the bonus round or the regular round? Dan: I don’t know, it’s totally up to you man! Arin: Alright, I’ll do the regular one. Dan: Okay. Arin: The shop! Dan: So many cho-hoices. Arin: Wow, look it, she’s looking at all the things! Arin: What’ll fatten me up the most? Arin: Chocolate bar! Arin: The chocolate bar makes Emily walk faster for ten seconds. Dan: Wow! Arin: Fuck yeah! Dan: Sweet. Arin: Mmm. Dan: Check. Arin: Chocolate! Arin: Alright well next time on Game Grumps! Dan: Yeah, fantastic work!
Arin: Or Jingle Grumps. Arin: We’ll play more. Dan: Yeah, it’s gonna be great. Arin: Goodbye. Dan: Goodbye and Merry Christmas. Arin: Mer Crms SUBTITLED BY —N
HAPPY CHRISTMAS PEEPS
DEDICATED TO VR Arin: Mrr Crms.
Dan: I’m Dan: Not saying ‘Happy Holidays’ Dan: Cause there’s a war on Christmas! Dan: And I won’t be a part of it! Arin: Yay! Dan: Merry Christmas. Dan: Who cares!