CGRundertow FLOCK! for Xbox 360 Video Game Review
Cute name. I see what they did there. Y’see,
you can get away with that kind of foul mouth when you’re an alien. What kind of alien?
Well, apparently one that’s stocking up for a cookout, because you need MEAT in epic
proportions. Sure, you could just go to the store, but where’s the fun in that? You
want FRESH. You want WHOLESOME. You want your lamb, ham, steak, and other comestibles on
the HOOF. And, rather than dealing with any such auction or other legitimate business,
you’re just gonna steal ‘em. ‘Cuz you’re an alien. You’ve got the spacecraft and
everything to prove it. Grab the mint jelly, folks; it’s time to FLOCK! Yeah, if you thought that was suggestive,
I probably shouldn’t mention that the gumdrop-shaped vessel you’re herding these sheep toward
is called the Motherflocker. Oh wait, I just mentioned it. Aside from using a trigger to
speed up, all you can really do is incite the sheep to move by hovering near them. Since
you’re in a freakin’ flyin’ saucer. What animal wouldn’t be alarmed by that
nonsense? They’ve seen the Far Side comics! They know which way’s up, and which way’s
AWAY FROM THE SAUCERCRAFT. So they’ll do their best to run away from you, and it’s
your job to make sure that “away from you” ends up being “Into the tractor beam of
the Motherflocker.” There. I said it again. Your abduction attempt is judged by the quantity
of biological samples obtained – whether you clear out the entire stage or merely fulfill
your quota – as well as the space of time it takes you and your super-technological-sciency-stuff.
Later levels bring on different forms of livestock, as well as obstacles like fences, ramps, geysers,
catapults… a whole toolbox of absurd animal-rustling equipment. Now, if only there were a fully-featured
level editor… …buh BAM. Flock yeah. Got a new and interesting
idea on how to torment livestock? Don’t dream it, BUILD IT. Then play it, share it
on XBLA, and potentially get a job designing slaughterhouses. Or apartment buildings. It’s
a very good puzzle game – simple rules, challenging (but fair) execution. And then you can introduce
catapults and just make everything go nuts. That’s fine too! My only gripe about the
game is that the load times can get a little on the long side, especially if you’re playing
it from the Capcom Digital Collection disc and not from a direct download. But even this
issue would go away if someone could invent me a combination tractor beam and rotisserie.
Being able to roast a lamb chop from across the room would be optimal.