10 Worst Video Game Console Knockoffs

• From shameless motion control knockoffs
to games made by a company called Chintendo, we count 15 of the worst blatant console clones
ever to empty your granddad’s wallet 10 – Game Theory Admiral,
• What seems to be a gameboy advance clone made for people with no money or eyeballs,
where you slot bulky cartridges in the top that hangs over the console like a rooftop
• You can’t play gameboy advance games though – you’re stuck with original nintendo games,
but only japanese ones since this machine only supports the famicom
• Through the magic of bootleg production, the screen does indeed support colour and
even outputs video to your tv so it feels like you’re actually playing a japanese nintendo
console while you’re hunched 2 inches away from the screen holding a $2 controller that
breaks if you apply pressure 9 – PX 3600,
• Heralded as the official merging of the PS3 and Xbox 360 until you’ve looked at the
box at a distance closer than 300 metres – it’s a console that displays a disc drive that
can’t actually open, or exist • You can’t play PS3 games, nor Xbox 360,
but a series of low grade pre-installed games with controllers that plug in to what seem
to be Atari 2600 ports from the 1970s • One controller features vibration, more
of a dim, vague, occasional pulse than anything else, and the other controller doesn’t vibrate
at all – because clearly all of the production cost went into manufacturing the disc tray
that they forgot to put in 8 – Nintendo PolyStation,
• PolyStation is actually quite a popular knock-off brand, many different iterations
of the same thing – cheap semi-playable crap designed to trick old people and blind parents
• This console doesn’t even know what it wants to rip off – it uses the brand and box
of the Nintendo 64, the console design of the Playstation 1, Namco games and a Super
Nintendo game cartridge design • Boasting a million in-built games I shit
you not, this console comes with the tagline “It’s just not a game anymore”, as if they’d
taken the opening paragraph from its inevitable copyright infringement notice and used it
to promote the actual unit • Also: you might think that’s a disc tray
on top of the console, but it’s not – that right there is a cartridge slot
7 – Neo Double Games, • Infamously terrible, an aesthetic rip-off
of the Nintendo DS with none of the features, but instead you’re supposed to physically
remove the screen to change each game • The games themselves are the same ones
you’ve played a thousand times featuring LCD people, horribly backlighting and zero fun
guaranteed • Not only is the hinge holding the top
screen so flimsy that you have to play on a specific angle lest it crush your fingers,
but the bottom screen doesn’t even function – it’s essentially a case to hold your alternative
game, one I’m sure you’ll spend hours and hours watching collect piles of dust
6 – Wi Vision, • Another console attempting to cash in
on the Wii’s former explosive success, the Wi Vision comes complete with full HD visual
output at a whopping 240×240 resolution and 64 bit colours
• The games you’ll find here will be from the original Nintendo since emulating Super
Nintendo games clearly requires super advanced experimental alien technology that costs more
money to produce than that which exists in the entire world
• But prepare yourselves, because though this console comes with restrictive, oesophagus-crushing
limitations, they do package in wireless controllers all at the low low price of $150
5 – Chintendo Vii, • Like something out of an episode of South
Park, but curious since not only did it rip-off the Wii, but the guys at Chintendo actually
created their own games for it – surprising since most of these consoles settle for pure
emulation • The components are the cheapest possible
quality, but at least the wireless Vii controller has motion control and even sound output – not
that it matters when you’re playing $2 sprite games rejected from Wario Wares
• Some aren’t that bad like Bird Knight which blends a traditional platformer with
balloon fight controls, while others like fry egg make you bleed internally
4 – Super Megason IV, • Possibly the greatest console ever, beating
out the overhyped PS4 and Xbox One, the Super Megason comes built in with a million games
– and with extra cartridge • You’ll find the Super Megason come in
a variety of models, including the original which looks very similar to a Super Nintendo,
except for the minor detail that the cartridge slot is only used for decoration
• Games are basic reskins of each other, because playing tetris number 502 in a slightly
different shade of almond is every kids dream 3 – i-Dong,
• A knockoff of Microsoft’s Kinect that actually doesn’t do too bad a job – it doesn’t
use your body as a controller though, it uses sensors, reflector pads and IR lights to identify
the accompanying controller • In that respect, it’s more like a Wii,
but you can also hook the i-Dong into your PC or set-top box too whereupon it’s fully
functional • The only thing holding the console back
apart from its shameless hardware piracy is the name, because when Christmas comes around
what kid asks his parent for an i-Dong? 2 – Mega Drive Extreme,
• Well, you have to hand it to these guys, they tell you exactly what kind of games to
expect on the console you’re buying, except the “extreme” part must be referring to the
way it rips off the design of both xbox and playstation
• Like the title implies, you can only play mega drive slash sega genesis games here,
but the controller which has a playstation design comes with six buttons splurged higgeldy
piggeldy all over the tiny surface area • On rare occasions you might find this
console with a light gun, but be prepared for the same dodgy quality found in the console
itself 1 – Mini Polystation 3
• Just when you thought the Polystation couldn’t get any better, we find this gem
perfectly emulating the graphical fidelity of the Playstation 3 console
• The screen folds out from the disc port and you’re given a tiny controller that literally
fits inside your hand, with the two analog sticks replaced with the start and b button
• This is a considerable step up from the mini polystation 2 which did NOT have a screen
that features backlighting – truly a technological breakthrough
• This overwhelming package of fun requires 3 AA batteries though, so you might need to
start saving up

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *